Perspective

My grandfather passed away back on the 11th. After years of dealing with dementia, then Alzheimer's, his body and mind ran out of steam, so to speak. He is my second family relation to pass after being diagnosed with this disease. I will always love and miss you, Grandpa Pete.

This week's been pretty rough for us. I won't bore you with the details, but here it is in a nutshell: I got turned down for a job I really wanted, our washer broke, my grandfather passed away, and just when we thought we might get an offer on our house, the buyer put an offer in on a cheaper house (ugh). The saying, "when it rains, it pours," has manifested itself to Amy and I more than once in our marriage, and here is yet another storm to weather.

It got me thinking, at first, Why me? It's a natural reaction, to revert to anger. We've all done that. Then I started thinking about priorities. The first priority everyone, I think, would say is family. Spouse, kids, parents, cousins, close friends; whatever you consider family, that's always what's most important in life. After that, it's our own personal well being. After ensuring our family is well and good, we then look to ourselves, whether physically, mentally, spiritually, etc. to ensure our own personal wellness.

This is all done in the name of sanity, in my own insane mind. As long as my family is safe and well, and I am safe and well, then I can function and face the day, whatever may come. If either of these priorities become unwell, I become stressed.

So, here's my Empowering Fathers thought: If at times you feel stressed out, stretched thin, bogged down, whatever you want to call it, ask yourself these two questions: Am I taking care of my family? Am I taking care of myself?

The catch here is that if you answer "no" to either of these priorities, it's probably hurting the other. I'll be the first to admit this. I've seen it in my own life, and I'm working everyday to make sure I can confidently answer "yes" to both these questions.

The Happiest Place on Earth

We just got back from an amazing trip to Disneyland. We headed out at 4 am and drove the whole way, about a 12 hour drive, so that we could enjoy an evening followed by 3 magical days in the parks. It was without-a-doubt, one of the best vacations we've ever experienced. My mom and dad were with us, which made handling 4 kids under 6 much easier. We couldn't have done this trip if it weren't for them. Thank you both.

Even though we were in "The Happiest Place on Earth," I realized that even though Disneyland is an incredibly fun place, it was all the more fun because I was there with the people I loved most. I got to watch my daughters live out fantasies of becoming princesses and meeting some of their favorite characters (the best, by far, was watching them meet Rapunzel and Flynn Rider). What made this trip so great, I think, is that I feel like we created some really great memories, which will last far, far longer than the trip itself.

I realized something else, too. The last night in Disneyland, I went out to do some shopping. I saw a figurine of a young girl with blonde hair, wearing Mickey ears and holding Mickey balloons. The theme of the figurine is, "Every day with you is a day in the Park." I immediately thought of my wife and girls. My family is the happiest place on Earth. Disneyland was only fun because I was with them. They make my life fun. They give my life joy. They are my happy place.

Thanks for reading.

The All Important 'Work/Life Balance'

Some of you know by now, but I have started a new position with a new company. I was very sad to leave my previous position, but I am excited for what my new opportunity holds for me. It's started me thinking a lot about my work/life balance. At my previous employer, I was very blessed to have a very good work/life balance. If it wasn't quarter-end, my work schedule was quite flexible. Aside from the people I worked with, the flexibility of the job was my favorite aspect of my employment there.

Now I'm starting a new opportunity that will require much more of me. My schedule is no longer as flexible as it once was. I'm scared that I won't have the time I used to have. In the past, I had a lot more time with my wife and girls, but my career wasn't going anywhere. Now my career is actually going places, but it's at the cost of time with my family. I'm happy to provide a little more for my family, but it's more work and more stress.

So where's the balance? When is working to provide for your family too much work? I suppose for every dad and for every relationship, whether it's with your spouse or your kids, it's different. Everyone finds their own balance they're comfortable with. I guess what I am still wondering is when you're faced with circumstances that aren't as favorable as you would have hoped, do you simply adapt or do you fight to achieve the balance you want to have?

As always, thanks for reading.

Outliers

What is an oulier? In statistics, an outlier usually is defined as being greater than 3 standard deviations from the arithmetic mean. Under a normal distribution, 3 standard deviations covers 99.99% of the distribution (oops, my geek is showing).

If anyone else has read the book "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell, you know that it's a commentary of how the successful truly became successful. I'm only half way through the book, but it's a really good read so far. For instance, all of the big software tycoons in silicon valley are incredibly smart individuals (Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, the founders of Sun Microsystems, etc.). What's very intriguing is that a lot of these tycoons were born between 1954 and 1957. Why is that? All of these individuals were in college when the first true personal computer was released, the Alltair 8800. They were given some of the first opportunities to have unlimited access to programming and software applications. If you weren't born in this window, you were already at a disadvantage of being a pioneer in computer programming.

What does this mean to me as a parent? My biggest hope is that each of my daughters find their own path to success, whatever they may define it as. Will they end up being outliers? Chances are that they won't be, but I promise that I will help each of my girls hone and nourish their talents. I will do my best to help them improve on their abilities and maybe, if circumstances work out in incredibly lucky fashion, they may very well become outliers.

But even as I write this post, I realize something. They're already outliers. Out of all the hundreds of millions of children born into this world, they're mine. Either by fortune or misfortune, their childhood will be completely unique to anyone else in this world at this time or any other time. They are, and will always be, the best thing to ever happen to me.

My Lovely Olivia

Daughter #3: Olivia. If I could describe her using only two words, I would choose "comedic timing." This girl isn't even 17 months old, and she knows what's funny. Just today, I'm sitting on the couch feeding Molly and she starts tickling my feet and saying, "ticky ticky," followed by riotous laughter. When it comes to play time, Ashley and Jane refer to her as "Big Bubble Baby." She's the perfect addition to their epic barbie soap operas.

When Olivia was born two weeks before her due date, she wasn't breathing very well. In an effort to keep her out of the NICU, they placed her on a CPAP machine (it forces normal air with a higher concentration of oxygen into a babies lungs, with the hope that the lungs fully inflate). After about an hour of that, and a promise from me that if she stayed out of the NICU, I'd give her whatever she wanted (more on that later), she started breathing great.

She was and still is one of the sweetest babies. Amy would stroke her nose and it lulled her right to sleep. It's probably the top thing she misses about Louie as a newborn. She's always been cuddly, and she's recently welcomed me home with a big, happy "hi" and a kiss. She loves to sing, and she absolutely cannot sit still, ever.

My sweet Lulu isn't a baby anymore. She's a toddler and quickly leaving her baby ways behind. Would you like to know how she cashed in on my little promise to her? A little sister . . . right away. How do we know? When Amy found out she was pregnant with Molly, Olivia was only 3 months old and she laughed for the first time.

Comedic timing. Thanks for reading.

Picky Eaters

Anyone who's ever known anything about children knows they go through phases and stages. We also know that most kids, at some point in their growing up, they enter into a picky phase. They develop an attachment to a favorite toy, a favorite movie, and favorite foods. Here's the problem: once they have their favorites everything else is alienated. Ashley and Jane are this way about food (Olivia will eat anything at this point and Molly's still on the bottle). They have probably a list of ten to twelve foods that they would happily eat, but suggest anything outside that short list and meltdowns ensue.

They weren't always like this. When they turn one and you can start introducing a lot of different foods into their diet, they were both like miniature "foodies." I would say it was at about the two-and-a-half to three-year mark that their willingness to eat anything diminished rapidly. I've also noticed, as I'm sure is the case with many siblings, Jane tends to follow suit with however her older sister reacts to situations. To say the least, getting these girls to branch out is a very hard task to undertake.

So how do you conquer this uphill battle? Bribery is both expensive and, well, not really a good attitude towards the situation. So, I thought maybe I just project a better attitude about it. The other night, I came home with broccoli, some rice, and a wonderful fish called steelhead (a tasty cousin of salmon). When I got home, I declared to my girls, "An Evening of Adventure." They were miraculously excited about trying something new, and they loved everything! The fish was very tasty, Amy made her signature baked broccoli, and we had an incredibly fun evening.

What's so great about being a dad? When I approached a situation with a good attitude, my kids amazed me with their attitudes. It taught me a lot. Thanks for reading.

Jane Be Jane

I've talked a bit about my oldest, Ashley, so I thought I would spotlight my other kids as well. My second daughter, Jane, has been doing her own thing from the beginning. For starters, she tried to come out feet first. She never really crawled, but instead scooched on her bum across the floor before walking. She started doing so many things her own way, we started calling it the "Jane-way."

What's my favorite thing about Jane? She's not afraid to forge her own path. Can it be a little frustrating at times? Sure. But I'm so proud of her for being like this. My greatest hope for Jane is that she will be able to carry this trait throughout her life. That she will never be afraid to do things her way and to stick to her goals and dreams even when times are tough. There's a song by one of my favorite artists, Ben Folds called "Jane be Jane." We didn't name her after the song, but it does ring true to who she is.

Jane, be Jane
You're better that way
Not when you try immitating something

You think you saw.

So Jane, be Jane

And if sometimes that might

Drive them away

Let 'em stay there

You don't need them anyway.

You're worried there might not be

Anything at all inside
The fact you're worried
It should tell you that's not right
Don't try to see yourself the way that others do

It's no use.

But it's your life

And you can decorate it

As you like

Beneath the painted armor

In your eyes, the truth still shines

Jane, be Jane

I love you Jane. Love, Dad.